by Danny Mac
What Is Half the Bed?
My wife has put up with me for twenty-eight years. I do my thing and she does hers. We share chores with me doing some and her doing other jobs. We don’t share desserts but do share a bed. She claims we share 50/50 but her half looks much larger than my half. Generally, I get twenty, maybe twenty-four inches to her forty inches and the dog has to use my half of the bed when she becomes cold at night.
There is an internet store selling bedsheets with a line defining the bed into hers and his. However, the line always seems to designate two-thirds of the bed to her and one-third to him. I excel at math and can determine mathematically the ratio between hers and his, but this doesn’t seem to matter when it comes to portions of the bed. So, the question remains, what I am missing in my calculations in determining “What Is Half the Bed?” I need answers to understand.
Did I mention my dog is a Karen? Our discovery this morning is our resident Karen makes a lousy model. My wife tries to get the right picture of Ginger for a craft she is preparing to sell. She wants the right angle, setting, and mood for the headshot. However, there is no cooperation without a bribe and in this case, it means a cookie. (I do what I am told because of 28 years of conditioning)
That being said, a cookie gains her participation but it comes with exuberant emotion and entitlement. We sit her facing the light from the window glowing on her to remove unnecessary shadows. This last for a whole two seconds before she jumps up wanting her reward. We try several more times breaking the cookie into small pieces to reward her to do our bidding.
A Karen has a strong will and is easily distracted by her own wants. In the end, we take about thirty shots trying to get one where she smiles for the camera. Her disdain for not getting what she want when she wants it comes through clearly in each shot and none appeal to my wife.
After I return to writing this morning’s blog, manager mom tries again using one of her toys. She obtains the perfect shot where Ginger smiles for the camera. The picture takes Karen time to complete.
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